Mairsy Dotes

"No faith is as solid as a wounded faith."

Business Time March 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 1:20 pm

While we were in Texas, my brother-in-law played this song for us. I was a bit schnockered on bourbon, so I wasn’t sure if it would be AS funny as it was that night.

The good news? It so totally IS! It’s almost like they were peeking in our bedroom window…

 

Let the sunshine…let the sunshine in…the sunshine in March 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 10:47 am

It’s a gloriously sunny spring day. We’ve got flowers up and blooming, the pussy willow is all pussed out and is starting to put out leaves, the girls’ starts are sprouting in their windowsill greenhouses: spring is getting ready to explode on the scene.

Thank you, Jesus.

So I have been a stay at home mom for two weeks now (while on vacation for 10 of those 14 days). I have been pleasantly surprised by a few things, that I’m going to share here because some of my friends are doing the same bit of “do I or don’t I” wrestling around this situation that I was.

I pretty much rock as a stay at home mom.

That being said, as a mother, I didn’t really have anywhere to go but up.

When I was working, I really didn’t have much patience for noise, misbehavior, sass, etc. I did a lot of hollering. I did a lot of, “I can’t handle this, you deal with it” to M.  I didn’t do much playing or reading or fun having, because I was so damn tired by the time I got home from work–their special time with Mommy was pretty much comprised of, “Here. Let’s put in a movie. You can snuggle with Mama while she sleeps.” Whee, right?

Turns out? I had to use so much energy and patience just to get through my days at Fashion Emporium that I had NOTHING left when I got home. When you spend 8 hours a day having to smile at women who are treating you like a servant, cheerfully process an $800 return that’s 4 years old and most items therein have been worn, or just dealing with the current business climate: you come home exhausted and tapped out.

Not to say that it’s been all glitter and monkeys since I quit. We still have sassing going on (particularly from Sarah…sweet fancy MOSES she can sass!); we still have misbehavior–I mean we have two kids. All the stuff that was there before is still there. The difference is in my ability to respond to it in such a way that it doesn’t lead to screaming, tears, slammed doors and tequila shots. With one exception (after a long, hot, tiring, crank-inducing day at SeaWorld) I have not looked at my family and said, “I’m done. I’m just done.”

I used to say that a lot.

Now, I have the time and the emotional resources to help them through their little fits, to moderate their conflicts without issuing timeouts to the end of time. I have the time to sit and snuggle and read to them. To play Polly Pocket with Nea while Sarah is napping or distracted by “Elmo’s World”. I have the patience to let Linnea help me cook dinner, or have Sarah make her own bed (does it look good? Eh. It looks like a two year old made it. But that’s OK, because she is, in fact, a two year old).

The longer I am away from my job, I realize just what it had cost my family and myself. I am grateful I had it. It helped me take care of my family at a time when no one else could. But I’m not sure why I struggled so hard over whether or not it was the right thing to do to leave it.

My girls have a Mommy again. Not crabby Aunt Mama who comes to visit from time to time, when she doesn’t have to be at some mysterious place called “work”. My husband has a wife again, someone who can take over her fair share of the child-rearing, so that he can relax, or study, or putter around, or do whatever it is he needs to do to feed his soul; who isn’t so exhausted at the end of a day that all she wants to do is watch television and go to sleep; who reads books again, has conversations again, who laughs with him again.

It’s good. When we were in Texas, and someone asked me where I was serving a church, I didn’t have to writhe in shame and answer, ‘Oh, I’m working on the management team at Fashion Emporium’ (and it always seemed so shameful to me…to be working at the FE instead of pastoring…like I was letting people down or something). I proudly said, “I’m currently on leave from call. I’m staying home with the girls.”

So, you know: not without challenges. But overall: one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Thanks to all who encouraged me to take that job and shove it. 😉

 

I admit it. I’m having an affair with Facebook. March 6, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 12:31 am

But most of my regular commentators know that, because they’re on there, too. It’s you lurkers who might be wondering if I fell off a cliff, or was killed in a tragic manniquin accident at work.

Good news is: I’m fine.

I will see I can balance my life with not one, but TWO internet relationships. Facebook is more fun, though. It’s more like a party. This is just…me. Pontificating. And even I get tired of that sometimes. 🙂

So, for those of you who have missed my navel gazing, let me catch you up on all things beege.

  • I quit my job at Fashion Emporium. My last day is Saturday. I’m feeling both incredibly liberated, and incredibly panicky because I’m still not 100% sure I’m Stay At Home Mom material. I mean, those women who do that? They are like superheroes to me, seriously. I’m not entirely sure I’ve got it in me, although I DO have plans. Plans like no TV between 8:30AM and 5:00PM; plans like making the girls do yoga with me every morning (we’ll see how that goes over with all of us); plans like having doing a preschool curriculum with Linnea so that she doesn’t get all kinds of stupid between now and kindergarten; plans like having arts and crafts time; plans like Monday is laundry day, and Tuesday is dusting day, and Wednesday is grocery day, and Thursday is vacuuming day, and Friday is bathroom day, etc; plans like doing some sort of “NO MORE SNOW THIS WINTER” dance so we can spend lots of time outside planting flowers and learning about how to grow things. You know. Structure. Education. Fun. That sort of thing. I’m pretty sure that’s wildly ambitious and I’ll crash and burn and feel terrible about myself. Or, maybe I won’t. 🙂
  • We are going to Texas a week from today. My MIL has been in therapy, and on a pharmaceutical regime for several months now. She’s really making a lot of progress…so much so that when we made plans to stay at my SIL’s house instead of hers, she freaked out (yeah, that’s not surprising) but she REALIZED she was freaking out, realized she had no reason nor right to do so, and went to her therapist and talked it out. Now THAT is some serious progress for her. I’m enormously  proud of her, and for the first time in a really long time, I’m not dreading a visit to see her.
  • Linnea is OVER. THE. DAMN. MOON. about this trip. She hasn’t seen her cousins in almost two years, since she and Sarah and I weren’t invited to FIL’s birthday party last year. She’s been packed for this thing for like a week now. And we still have a week left to go.
  • I’m a little freaking out though, because the rental car place won’t guarantee that there will be carseats in our rental car. They just tell us there “should be no problem getting them”. No. No. No. I want a freaking guarantee, because what the hell do we do if we get to the rental counter and there are no carseats? Spend a week in Bergstrom Airport? It make be a kick ass airport, but it’s not that kick ass. M said, “IF  that happens, I promise I will allow you to pitch a fit. Until then, conserve the energy, so you can unleash the full power of your fit at the rental counter, and not at me right this very minute, because I want to go to sleep.” Ah, the honesty and understanding that comes from nearly a decade of being his “awful wedded wife”.
  • Sarah is nearly TWO. How the hell did that happen?
  • I passed my four year blogaversary. I’ve been tinkering around this place for over four years now. I couldn’t have survived the last four years without it, and without all of  you, I promise you that.
  • M bought me the final Broadway performance of RENT on DVD for my birthday. That just might be the most awsome present ever. Except for his other birthday gifts that he got me–calligraphy art of Luther’s Small Catechism, which actually makes me a little wet. But that’s just me, I’m sure. I’m a dork like that.