Mairsy Dotes

"No faith is as solid as a wounded faith."

January 30, 2004 January 30, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 11:07 pm


Five years ago today, M took this picture of me looking at my glorious daughter. It was a short, hard labor. I tore, and that’s all I’ll say about that. But she was worth it. I think the look on my face pretty much sums it all up.

To my sweetest Pete:

You made me a Mama, and you generously share that with your sister. You make me laugh. You make me want to tear my hair. You make the sweetest little grunting noises in your sleep–still, and I sneak into your room at night to listen to them. You grind your teeth. I wonder what has you so stressed out. You’re smart, you’re sassy (not always a bad thing,  though I always have to act as if it is), you’re strong, you’re loving, you’re generous, you’re adventurous, you’re a snuggler par excellence, I miss you when I’m away from you, I live to make you happy, and everything I do from the moment I get up in the morning until I lay my head down at night is dedicated to making sure you and your sister have everything you need to thrive.

The day you were born was a fundamental shift in my self perception. January 29th, I was Beege. On January 30th, I was Nea’s Mama. I love you baby girl, and I can’t even believe you’re five years old. Your birthday will always be one of the best days of my life.

Love you like crazycakes,



Oddly…HOPEFUL January 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 10:44 am

Did I mention the craptacular week?

Well, the hits just keep on a-comin’.

My job? Was reclassified (oooo…I was classified!). I have been changed from a full-time member of the management team, to a part-time keyholder. Which means I’m pretty much their opening and closing bitch (but more closing, as no one minds coming in and opening all that much).

*sigh* When my boss told me that, my reaction was not to quit (which, apparently, my DM thought it would be). It was not to cry or rage or throw up or ask why me. I felt stirrings of…hope.

Sort of like the first time a mother feels her baby move…feather soft…anyone not keenly attuned for the movement would probably miss it…a quick little flicker that says, “This is not all.”

The other day I was on the phone with a customer in South Carolina. She was telling me about her dad who is in Stage 4 cancer, and dying, and she was really worked up about it, but then she suddenly stopped and said, ‘You know what, Beege. I just feel like I need to tell you what a blessing you are. God is telling me to tell you that you are such a blessing to his people, both in this job for Fashion Emporium, and your other job. I’m not sure what it is, but He seems to like you in it. Bless you Beege, God bless your sweet, sweet heart, and all the love you have in it.” She kept going (or rather: God kept going. Neither one of us were under any illusions as to who this was coming from), pummelling me with blessing, repeating it over and over and over again until I was crying at the cashwrap. I told her I was crying, and she said, “Oh, honey. I’m didn’t mean to make you sad about my Daddy!” and I said, “No, it’s not that. It’s that I’m way too willing to forget just how damn good God is, you know?”  And she said, “Oh, yes I do. But he IS good, Sister. I know it. My Daddy knows it. And you know it.”

Thank GOD she’d given me an excuse to give my perplexed boss who was watching me weep at the cashwrap. I shrugged it off as a sad story at the wrong time of the month, and she accepted it.

But you better believe that conversation stuck with me.

Other things have come up within the last few hours as well…little heaven-sent messages. Hours before my boss called me into her office, I was praying while folding some tank tops, and said, “It’s happening, isn’t it?” and very clearly heard the reply, “Yep.”

The ties that bind me to the Fashion Emporium are loosening. I would have had a really hard time walking away from them, leaving them TWO managers down. But if they’re going to cut my job in half, replace my good benies with crap ones…the loyalty is decreased. I could walk away, particularly if walking away means getting back into a church.

And in closing, my favorite verse from my favorite hymn. The one that stopped me cold when I was 12 years old, and told me, “This is your relationship with God. Get used to it.”

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed
But yet in love, He sought me.
And on His shoulder gently laid,
And home, rejoicing, brought me.


Bad Day January 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 12:42 pm

The members of Familia Beege are having a craptacular week, folks (Obama’s rocking inauguration notwithstanding).

*Sarah is sick. It’s just a cold, but it’s a doozy. Snot EVERYWHERE. She can’t breathe. Her voice sounds like Kathleen Turner. Her coughs sound like a drool-soaked tennis ball slapping against cement. She is purely miserable, ergo: her parental units are purely miserable.

*The upside? Staying home from daycare with Daddy and watching the Inaugural festivities yesterday taught her to say, “Yook! Pesiden Bawak Obama!” in the cutest, high-pitched gravelly way.

*I had an interview with a church this weekend. It wasn’t good. There were a lot of flags around the congregation that suggest that what I have to offer isn’t what they are looking for, and what I DON’T offer is precisely what they want. But I think they really liked me, personally. They kept trying to reask questions in such a way that I’d give them the answer they wanted to desperately to hear, and I wouldn’t do it. I know I’d be miserable there. If they do offer me the call, I’ll turn it down. But it still made me sad to make them go through that with me, knowing that it wasn’t a good fit, nor would it ever be.

*Plus? I had to give up a Friday and Saturday off from work in order to do it, meaning that I totally missed out on any time to spend with my babies. Boo.

*One of the assistant managers at the store got laid off. The Fashion Emporium is still doing well…still with zero debt…but they laid off assistant managers at certain locations to avoid having to go into debt to keep them. Still sucks. For her, and for the three of us who are still there. I know: woe is us, keeping our jobs. It’s more like survivor guilt.

*Since Sarah is sick, nobody is sleeping well. Makes us all crabby. Rar.

*The weather has been truly dismal. Dark. Cloudy. Frozen fog, making everything slick. At least today we can see the top of the mountain behind our house. For the last week, we’ve only been able to see the bottom half.

A Facebook friend was having a bad day, so one of her friends recommend she check this out. I’m posting it here, because against all odds: it did make me giggle.

An unrelated observation: it’s odd to see Jason Lee without his Earl ‘stache.


It took up my whole day January 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 11:31 pm

M and I made the decision to get the girls bunkbeds. I was of the opinion that Sarah was a wee bit on the young side to be out of the crib, but I got outvoted by my husband and my mother.

Funny, neither one of them has had their evening interrupted four times getting the fiend back into her easily escapable new big girl bed. Neither one of them has had to chastise Linnea for leaning over the edge of the top bunk and offering Sarah encouragement to climb the ladder so that “big sister can snuggle you!” Nope. Not them.  Just me.

It took us all day to do this project. I had no idea. No idea how long it would take, no idea how freaking expensive mattresses are (we found a TRULY craptacular mattress, and they wanted TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS for it. For a mattress I wouldn’t let a dog sleep on, much less the cherished fruit of my looms!), no idea how ridiculously over-priced bunkbeds are–any of it. We hadn’t bought furniture from anywhere other than IKEA in probably six years.  One guy acted like he was offering us a good deal by giving us the bunkbeds and mattresses for $800. We blew him off. Turns out? He was offering us a good deal.

So, we finally found a good, solid, sturdy, attractive wooden bunk bed at Wal-Mart of all places. They wanted $189 for it. We paid it gladly. Nea has a mattress that works with it quite nicely, but we’ll need to get one for Sarah.

(Update: Sarah is back in the crib. She stranded herself on the ladder one too many times for a single evening, so we tucked her back into her crib. Whew!)

Finding them turns out to be the quick and easy part of the day. Then we found some bedding, and went home and took the rest of the day to put them together. Turns out? Slats were too far apart, so M made an almost-bedtime run to Home Depot to get particle board to shove under the mattresses.

This little project ended up taking almost 12 hours, non-stop of shopping, comparing, assembling, adjusting, little-girl-squeal-time, comforting Boog when she fell off the top bunk and bonked her head on the carpet (she sort of slid down the ladder, it wasn’t a free-fall), particle board shoving, toddler snuggling, preschooler admonishing, and now, at last: peace.


I wonder what color the pajamas are…

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 10:54 am

So, I’ve been sucked into the cult  world of the Twilight saga.

One of the other managers at work was reading them, and she insisted I also read them, and I was all, “Oh, sure, juvy lit. I’ll get right into that. You do realize I have a Master’s degree right, and read lots and lots of big, dusty books with great big words in them…like transubstantiation and soteriology and eschatology?”

Well, I wasn’t really that snotty to her face. But I was that snotty in my head. Snotty and condescending, all at the same time. It was a proud moment. And karma totally got me for that moment of condescending snarkiness, because juvy lit or not: I got totally sucked in (no pun intended, but I’m leaving it, because I figure I’ve still got to work off my eliteist snark karma).

I blasted through all four books in less than a week, getting a bit testy when my supplier didn’t have the next book ready for me when I needed it. When I was done with that, I went to Stephenie Meyer’s page and read the bootleg copy of  Midnight Sun that she’s got posted on there. I ordered all four books, and the movie soundtrack. Plus, tomorrow I’m going to watch the movie with a different member of the management team who also got sucked into the cult.

At least our pajamas will match.

In other entertainment news: M and I are officially hooked on Weeds.  I’m pretty sure those cult pajamas are green.