Bedtime is a HUGE battle with Linnea. It usually always ends in tears, threats, hollering, and frustration. She used to be so great at going to bed. We Ferberized her, and we would go in, say The Lord’s Prayer, and down she went. No fuss, no muss.
But within the last year or so, bedtime has become an issue. I actually go through the day both dreading and longing for bedtime. She won’t nap (even though she needs to), so by the time she gets home she’s way overtired, which makes her a real peach to be around. And when bedtime comes: she literally screams and cries and flails about like we’ve just told her she has to go live with another family and that we will never see her again.
I’m sort of at the end of my rope. She shares a room with Sarah, so I’m not that into letting her cry it out (particularly since that doesn’t seem to be working, now that she gets up, gets out of her room, and stands in front of me screaming and crying). But I’m also not into a kid who is going to sleep at 9PM, up at 5AM and refuses to nap. She’s about 4 hours short on sleep by my calculations…4 hours short EVERYDAY. She’s starting to act up and out at daycare, she’s a total pill to be with at home, and yesterday I had to work a 12-hour day. I had a 2-hour lunch break, so M was going to bring the girls to have dinner with me. The only caveat was that Linnea had to take a nap. At 2:30, she called me and said, “I don’t want to come have dinner with you.” All so she could NOT take a nap. I’m standing on the sales floor, fighting crazy tears, because my 4 and a half year old is breaking my heart, and totally doesn’t even seem to care.
Maybe the problem is that she’s somehow gotten the idea that sleeping is optional. That if she doesn’t want to take a nap, she doesn’t have to: she just forfeits the nap reward. Maybe we should have never started offering rewards for napping, because that makes napping negotiable.
But I think our key problem is the missing naps. Because then by the time bedtime rolls around, she’s so over tired she’s had to ramp herself up to get through the evening, and she has a hard time letting go.
All I know is that I have to come up with some sort of solution, before we really do tell Linnea that she’s going to go live with another family and we’ll never see her again. Because that’s how horrible she can be when she’s so exhausted.
Any ideas?
Mairsy Dotes 
Kya just turned 2 and had already outgrown her naps. I do have a suggestion for you, haha but it is strongly in the AP camp and as you know I am an AP mama.
To get her back into the sleep is a good thing routine. You may have to give up an hour of your me time at night. I think she is in the any attention is attention mode right now. Soooooo why not give her exactly what she is craving, which is apparently you.
Now some people would say this is just spoiling her and you will be creating a bad habit, but honestly she is only 4 and soon enough she won’t want you in her room let alone putting her to sleep. People thought I was crazy for nursing Kya to sleep, they said she would never learn how to self sooth. Whatever she quit nursing to sleep on her own, and now likes to hold hands while she falls asleep… Soon she will be kicking me out of the bed while she falls asleep. So my advice is to go back to the beginning, back to the basics. Baby needs her mother at night, and she wants you but the only way she knows how to get you right now is to cry and scream in your face.
So I say reconnect with her at bedtime, explain you will lie down with her, and just lay down with her until she falls asleep. No real talking on your part. If she talks to you you can whisper uhh huh, yes, and after every thing you say, you repeat lets sleep now in a soothing way. Lay with her and hold her, just be present for herAlso you have to not be thinking about what you should be doing other than lying down with her because this will then feel like a chore for you. Think of it as your reconnect time with her.
If she is taking no nap you can prob lay down with her at 8-8:30 and she will be asleep in about 10-15 minutes. Once she is asleep you can leave. Also in a couple weeks or so after she has long forgotten about throwing tantrums, you can read to her until she falls asleep.
that is my AP advice…. most people want a pat her on the back three times, kiss her twice, walk out and ignore her and eventually she will stop complaining magic trick.
Here is a girl who explains it better than I do about AP past the age of 3.. it is worth the read even if you don’t want to try my advice. 🙂
http://paxye.com/blog/%e2%80%9cap-past-the-age-of-3%e2%80%a6/
Oz still needs a daytime nap I think – especially when Toby wakes him up at 5am. Gone are the days when he happily lay in his bed from 1-3pm with no hassle. He WON’T voluntarily nap anymore. BUT…..if we’re driving at around 2pm he’ll fall asleep in the car. And I can usually get him out of the car and into the house still asleep. OR if I know he’s tired (and his eyes get red rimmed – dead giveaway), I snuggle him down on the sofa and let him choose his favourite movie – I give him a pillow and a blanket and tell him it’s ok if he wants to snooze a little. He nearly always does…whether he wants to or not.
With bedtimes we’re really firm. Oz doesn’t go as far as ‘Nea but he uses delaying tactics like wanting a drink or another story or needing his pillow moved/duvet straightened. We are firm and say “it’s bedtime now Oscar” and put him back in his bed. I’ve seen techniques on parenting programmes here – especially with kids getting out of bed and screaming. First time you say “it’s bedtime now” and pick em up and put them back in bed – as soon as they get out you do it again “bedtime”. Third time they get out (and every time after) you say absolutely nothing, no eye contact – just pick them up and put them back in bed – calmly. (Even though I’ve seen a lot of parents throwing their kids in the bed, it’s negative attention – and attention is what they want so don’t give em anything). Worse I saw on supernanny was a poor mum putting her kid back in bed nearly 70 times. (I’ve also seen parents do it in shifts to stop them killing the kid!) And within 3 nights the kid goes to bed like an angel. You got to show them who the grown up is – you – calm and in control. No yelling back. No screaming or succumbing to their tears. No rough shoving them back in bed. Just ignore and repeat……
Hope that helps!