So, M went down to Texas (not unlike the Devil going down to Georgia). He had it out with his mom.
She broached the subject by asking if she’d done something to offend me. He let her have it, stating he thought it was incredibly rude and hurtful that she only invited him, and how on earth was I supposed to feel when she kept insisting that he could be a priest, etc. This led to all sorts of other revelations about M’s past relationship with his mother, which I’m not going to share here because they are his, and I want to be respectful of that. I’m all kinds of willing to share the chit she pulls with me, though.
So anyway, they have a long talk, they both end up crying, and MIL asks M to tell me that she’s sorry for anything she’s done to hurt me.
Which pissed me off.
Because, if she was truly sorry, she’d come to me and express her apology. This way, she’s not out anything. She doesn’t have to face me, she doesn’t have to actually talk to me, she doesn’t have to be made uncomfortable in any way, shape, or form. If I were in her shoes, I’d at least try and reach out in a letter or an email–SOMETHING. Some sort of show of personal effort on my part to communicate my true repentance and desire to salvage what I can of the relationship.
M told her he’d relay the message, but he couldn’t guarantee anything, because forgiveness can only be requested. Not demanded.
I told him that I’d probably forgive her if she’d come to me in person, instead of sending him to do it. Because if she was truly sorry, she’d want to express it to the one that she hurt. Not send a message through the one person she knows I can’t say “no” to. What she doesn’t realize (still) is how badly her relationship with M had deteriorated and I can and did say, “No, I’m not forgiving her like this.”
(Does that make me a bad pastor? A bad person? Or just someone who’s fed up with all her shit? I don’t know…)
So then, she starts sending me emails as if nothing ever happened. As if nothing was ever said. As if she doesn’t know that I’m hurt (and before anyone points out that I can’t get all pizzed ’cause she didn’t ask me for forgiveness because I didn’t tell her she’d done anything that needed to be forgiven–which is a big thing with me–I DID tell her the things that she’d done that bothered me, before M told me that things were getting too bad, and he was going to handle things with her and let me off the hook). Chatty, breezy little emails, asking my opinion on various things, asking about the girls, etc.
Which makes me think that all that emotional upheaval that M went through during his visit was for nothing. She didn’t listen. She doesn’t care. She only cares about herself, and her ability to go through life however she wants, without thinking about how her words and her actions affect those around her.
I’m really not sure how to respond to the latest email. She’s wanting to make the girls sundresses, and wants their measurements. Part of me wants to email back, “F*ck the sundresses“; part of me wants to point out, “Gee, if we’d been invited to the birthday, you could have gotten the measurements yourself“; part of me wants to just tell her not to bother, that the girls have plenty of clothes, and they don’t need anything with crazy sewn in it instead of love; part of me wants to let her sew the damn dresses and just let her be a grandmother who sends stuff in the mail (like yesterday? Linnea got a package from Meme. A stuffed hermit crab. Linnea is TERRIFIED of hermit crabs. Has nightmares about them.) but that they rarely see.
I’m torn. I don’t want to deprive the girls of their paternal grandmother. But I also want to protect them as much as I can from her mental issues that she seems unwilling to address. *sigh* I don’t know.
It’s so friggin hard.