Mairsy Dotes

"No faith is as solid as a wounded faith."

If you want to hum “Vacation” by the Go-Gos, feel free! June 30, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 9:59 pm

“Tomorrow” from Annie also works. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m outta here, folks. We’re headed for our annual vacation to the Oregon Coast in the morning. I’ve rented us a minivan (whoo-hoo, a spankin’ sweet Mom-mobile!) and come sun up: we’re gone.

So, have a good week without me. I’ve stepped up the blogging this week so that you’d have something to read while I’m gone. ๐Ÿ˜‰

See you next week!

 

Do you ever feel just lucky? June 27, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 11:58 am

When I had my own refrigerator to decorate, I always made sure there were a few key things on it. M’s sumo wrestler magnet, with the fortune cookie slip that read, “Sometimes love has a mean face.”; A Christmas ornament that SaraSoup made for me years ago; various and sundry pictures of our nieces; a little handprint mold of Linnea’s 11-month-old hand; and a little card pringed with the word: ESPECIALLY BLESSED.

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Especially blessed. Life tastes good. Life IS good.

Lucky me!

 

OK, you’ve got to be made of STONE… June 26, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 4:11 pm

…if you don’t cry at the end of Field of Dreams when Kevin Costner asks his dad if he wants to have a catch.

My brother left the movie on when he went to work. I got sucked in. And now I’m crying.

 

Having a bad day? Not anymore!

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 2:43 pm

Boog at her Boogiest

 

This post is total randomness

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 11:02 am

So I shall use bullets! I love bullets!

  • I saw a little VW Golf this morning. It made me miss Jules.
  • For you mamas out there: check out Walgreen’s diapers. They are, no joke, the BEST diapers I’ve used in almost 5 years of diapering. I’ve never had one leak on me, and they beat the pants of Pampers, Huggies, Luvs, Target brand–anything. You can get 56 diapers (size 4) for $11.99, and they frequently have “Buy one, get one 50% off” specials on them.
  • I bought new nailpolish for my vacation toes while I was picking up diapers for Sarah’s vacation bottom. It’s called “Poppy”. It’s nice. I can’t wait to try it.
  • I found a swimmy suit. I’m not 100% happy with it, but it was less than $20 at Ross, and since I’m hoping to only be able to fit in it this summer, it seemed silly to plunk down much more $$ than that for a suit that I liked better. Although, now that I’m going to Clover’s, I might want to reconsider that. Not that she cares what I look like in a bathing suit, it just doubles the amount of time I planned on spending in a swimming suit.
  • I’m off today. I have to: work on some pastor-type paperwork, clean our bathroom (there areย five people that use this bathroom. FIVE. And I am, apparently, the only one who is capable of cleaning it), and wash the plague sheets on our beds. I’m toying with the idea of drying them on the line. Then, Nea is getting a vacation haircut this afternoon.
  • Speaking of cleaning: I’m totally digging Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day products. I like the lemon verbena one.
  • Linnea figured out this morning that we get to go on vacation in 5 sleeps. Which causes her to tell people, “We’ll be on vacation in one hand.”
  • I was in love with Tim’s Cascade style Wasabi potato chips. I think they’ve been discontinued. I KNEW I shouldn’t have gone on Weight Watchers! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ummm…I think that’s all. For now.

 

Oh! NOW I need to vent. June 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 10:09 am

So, M went down to Texas (not unlike the Devil going down to Georgia). He had it out with his mom.

She broached the subject by asking if she’d done something to offend me. He let her have it, stating he thought it was incredibly rude and hurtful that she only invited him, and how on earth was I supposed to feel when she kept insisting that he could be a priest, etc. This led to all sorts of other revelations about M’s past relationship with his mother, which I’m not going to share here because they are his, and I want to be respectful of that. I’m all kinds of willing to share the chit she pulls with me, though.

So anyway, they have a long talk, they both end up crying, and MIL asks M to tell me that she’s sorry for anything she’s done to hurt me.

Which pissed me off.

Why?

Because, if she was truly sorry, she’d come to me and express her apology. This way, she’s not out anything. She doesn’t have to face me, she doesn’t have to actually talk to me, she doesn’t have to be made uncomfortable in any way, shape, or form. If I were in her shoes, I’d at least try and reach out in a letter or an email–SOMETHING. Some sort of show of personal effort on my part to communicate my true repentance and desire to salvage what I can of the relationship.

M told her he’d relay the message, but he couldn’t guarantee anything, because forgiveness can only be requested. Not demanded.

I told him that I’d probably forgive her if she’d come to me in person, instead of sending him to do it. Because if she was truly sorry, she’d want to express it to the one that she hurt. Not send a message through the one person she knows I can’t say “no” to. What she doesn’t realize (still) is how badly her relationship with M had deteriorated and I can and did say, “No, I’m not forgiving her like this.”

(Does that make me a bad pastor? A bad person? Or just someone who’s fed up with all her shit? I don’t know…)

So then, she starts sending me emails as if nothing ever happened. As if nothing was ever said. As if she doesn’t know that I’m hurt (and before anyone points out that I can’t get all pizzed ’cause she didn’t ask me for forgiveness because I didn’t tell her she’d done anything that needed to be forgiven–which is a big thing with me–I DID tell her the things that she’d done that bothered me, before M told me that things were getting too bad, and he was going to handle things with her and let me off the hook). Chatty, breezy little emails, asking my opinion on various things, asking about the girls, etc.

Which makes me think that all that emotional upheaval that M went through during his visit was for nothing. She didn’t listen. She doesn’t care. She only cares about herself, and her ability to go through life however she wants, without thinking about how her words and her actions affect those around her.

I’m really not sure how to respond to the latest email. She’s wanting to make the girls sundresses, and wants their measurements. Part of me wants to email back, “F*ck the sundresses“; part of me wants to point out, “Gee, if we’d been invited to the birthday, you could have gotten the measurements yourself“; part of me wants to just tell her not to bother, that the girls have plenty of clothes, and they don’t need anything with crazy sewn in it instead of love; part of me wants to let her sew the damn dresses and just let her be a grandmother who sends stuff in the mail (like yesterday? Linnea got a package from Meme. A stuffed hermit crab. Linnea is TERRIFIED of hermit crabs. Has nightmares about them.) but that they rarely see.

I’m torn. I don’t want to deprive the girls of their paternal grandmother. But I also want to protect them as much as I can from her mental issues that she seems unwilling to address. *sigh* I don’t know.

It’s so friggin hard.

 

Couldn’t sleep

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 9:50 am

So last night, I had one of the worst things happen: I couldn’t sleep.

I was tired–nay, exhausted. My body hurt, my head hurt, and I was ready to sleep.

But I couldn’t. I laid there in the dark…under the covers…on top of the covers…fan off…fan on…tried watching telelvision…got sucked into a Family Guy marathon…then got sucked into “I love the Millenium” on VH1…then got sucked into the “Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” reunion show…then I tried to fall asleep while listening to the Daily Show…then I took some nighttime cold medicine…still not working. M was having a hard time falling asleep, too, so we rocked one another’s world in hopes of exhausting ourselves. Worked for him. Not for me. Finally, I got up, peed, put in earplugs, and read until my eyes crossed. Finally I fell asleep around 2AM.

I hate it when the mind won’t stop. It’s not fixating on anything important. It was just like a 2-year-old with ADD–“ooo…let’s think about this–nope, this! Oh! That’s pretty! What’s that? Let’s think about sleeeeeeeeping….soooooo sleeeeeeeeeepy LOOK! A CHICKEN!” Sad.

Now I’ll be sleepy all day.