Mairsy Dotes

"No faith is as solid as a wounded faith."

If I don’t eat something that had a face I’m going to whack out… November 21, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 6:16 pm

About two months ago, my parents made an announcement.

They’d gone vegan. Not just vegetarian. VEGAN.

Now, pretty much the ONLY thing they could have said that would have shocked me more would have been to say, “Sweetie? Your dad has decided to marry a second wife, and we’re going to move to a quiet little commune in a remote, small town in Utah.”

But I tried to be supportive–they’re doing this for their cardiac health, and given the fact that men on my dad’s side tend to drop dead without warning between the ages of 60 and 65, and Dad’s creeping up on the “magic” number: I’m all in favor of them doing anything that keeps him around for as long as possible. Even, I suppose, a second younger wife and some real estate in Utah.

Since arriving here on Friday, I’ve had tofu, I’ve had soy, I’ve had whole grains up the wazzoo. I’ve been told, “It tastes just like meat! You can’t even tell!” and I’ve been lied to. You can SO tell. It may not taste bad, in and of itself, but it doesn’t taste like meat, so stop trying to convince me that it does. It’s not a lifestyle/dietary choice that I object to in any way…but I’m a pregnant woman, and given my near lustful fantasies of a nice, thick, juicy slab of sirloin: the child I bear is a carnivore. One night I crept over to my youngest brother, and whispered, “Take me to the store. I’ll buy us some protein.” He was up and in the car in a flash.

We bought protein. We also bought some of what Mom calls “whole grain” cereal (complete with air quotes) because Nea took one look at the whole wheat&bran goodness served to her Saturday morning and promptly went on a hunger strike. We bought mac ‘n cheese, we bought Fritos, and we bought dark, yummy chocolate. We bought vegetable beef soup. We bought sausages. And then we pigged out.

We’ve also scoured the freezer. There’s no sign of tofurkey. Thank God.


2 Responses to “If I don’t eat something that had a face I’m going to whack out…”

  1. jessmonster Says:

    I’m SO OVER the vegan thing. There was a time when I respected people’s choices, blah blah, but now the only real arguments I accept are 1) specific food allergies and 2) religious. Because I still have to be vegan a couple months out of the year. But really – we eat animal products for a reason.

  2. beege Says:

    Well, it’s hard to argue with the results of their labwork…going vegan has improved their health.

    But I dunno…my mom sort of jumps on food fads (not that veganism is a fad per se)–whether it was Weight Watchers, low carb, low protein, South Beach, some horrible Bible-based food plan called “Prism”–whatever. She’s always willing to try something new. And she always ultimately goes back to the way she was before (just like everyone who goes on those severe change eating plans).

    Just glad to report the turkey yesterday was definitely turkey, and the ham was definitely ham, and even if I had to listen to Mom talk about how much she doesn’t miss meat (my lady doth protest to much, methinks), I still enjoyed myself hugely. 😉

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