Mairsy Dotes

"No faith is as solid as a wounded faith."

Burnt Ends January 10, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 2:31 pm

I have been told by barbeque affecienados (mainly the one I’m sleeping with) that the term “burnt ends” refers to the little pieces parts that are left over after the barbequed meat has been sliced and consumed. It’s usually absorbed a fair amount of the smoke, so if you like that sort of thing: burnt ends are the very best part of barbeque.

This entry sort of feels like burnt ends to me. Not necessarily that it will be the best, but that it will be chock-full of all the little things that have been floating through my head long after bigger things have been taken care of.

Today is M’s birthday. He’s 33. I’m making him a birthday beandip, since he doesn’t really like cake. I’m going to put a little Batman figurine on top, and candles. Right now, he’s away getting a massage–M, not Batman. This morning, after handing him his gift I said, “How much do I love you that I’m letting some other woman rub you down for an hour?” He said, “How much do you love yourself that you’re PAYING some other woman to rub me down for an hour so you won’t have to?” Which is a good point. He likes deep tissue massage–I’m not strong enough to do that for very long. So: Happy Birthday to M, and Happy Day to me–my man is getting a massage.

Part of the celebration included spending a chunk of time at Barnes&Noble this morning. Linnea and I headed for the children’s section and picked out a stack of books, then adjourned to the Cafe for iced tea and an apple juice and looked at books, practiced counting, talked about flowers, etc. so that M could wander the stacks without being impeded by two whiney women. We ended up having a great time! I wasn’t so sure–she’d been cranky for so much of the morning, I was about ready to just send M out on his birthday adventures without us. I’m glad I didn’t.

I feel like I’m coming to some sort of crossroads in my life. The winds of change are starting to blow, but I don’t know yet what direction they’re coming from or where they’ll direct me. I’m not particularly anxious about this…but a bit nervy. Just the not knowing of it all. Something needs to change on the jobfront. I love it, and I love my boss, but I’m just not bringing enough home for us to live on. We could live on it. But we’d be eating Ramen noodles and mac ‘n cheese by candlelight with the thermostat set on 55. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want Linnea to live like that. I want us to be able to DO things…afford things…I don’t need a lot in life, but I need more than what we have now. There are churches I’ve spoken with, there’s another SUPER exciting possibility that I’m waiting for word on, and the manager of our store in the Mall of America is wanting me to come work full-time for her. All of which are excellent, exciting possibilities…but no one has actually come forward and made a firm offer…it’s all just murmurings at this point. So while I feel pretty confident that at least one of the possibilities will work out, it’s the not knowing which one that makes me nervy.

I stumbled upon a new blog today, while mindlessly clicking ‘next blog’–it’s called AliThinks, and I really like how Ali thinks. She had an idea that she got from someone else about toasting the new year by putting the title and first line of the first blog entry of every month of the past year. I think I got that right. Anyhow, without further ado, here is Beege’s BlogYear in Review:

February 23, 2005: Be Gentle
So…here I am.

March 1, 2205: Did I say I was having a bad day? ‘Cuz really: I had no FREAKING idea.
After the ‘rents left, and after medicating myself with the first disc of KOTH season 3, I went outside to get the mail.

April 1, 2005: Strangely Sad
As I sit and watch the coverage of the Vatican on MSNBC, I’m struck by how sad I am that John Paul is dying.

May 7, 2005: In the paraphrased words of Ben Franklin
I don’t know how it happens.

June 1, 2005: Baby’s feeling better, Maba feels like shit
Praise be to God, who allowed some brilliant medial researcher to invent the elixer that is Omnicef!

July 1, 2005: It’s PreacherBeege, coming to you LIVE from…
…her brand fucking new computer!!!!!!!

August 3, 2005: Moving Boxes: 6 Beege: 0

September 2, 2005: Keep your fingers crossed…
…’cuz I just applied for a job

October 1, 2005: DEFINITELY much too early in the game*
I love Christmas.

November 3, 2005: Never a Dull Moment…
…so, just as I was feeling pretty good about my new job, and how happy I am to not be pastoring right now, etc. I get a phone call from churchly higher ups, wondering if I’d like my paperwork to be sent to a congregation.

December 3, 2005: If there is anything more breathtaking…
…than my daughter with snowflakes trapped on her eyelashes, I don’t know what it is.

My year in a nutshell–and I’m only 10 days late. Happy New Year, y’all!


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