Mairsy Dotes

"No faith is as solid as a wounded faith."

Million Dollar Baby January 23, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 8:42 am

Lately, Linnea has been getting in trouble at school.

She pushes, or pulls hair, or scratches. I find this troubling, because it’s behavior she learned from watching the other children at school. She doesn’t see this behavior modeled at home. It’s something she learned there–and part of me gets a little annoyed at the teachers for coming down on her for a behavior that she learned while THEY were in charge. Now, realistically and rationally, I know that yes, she learned it there and no, the teachers don’t like that the children do that and yes, they discipline all the children who hit or push or bite or scratch because that sort of behavior can’t be tolerated.

But there’s part of me that wants to point out, “You know, I didn’t GIVE you a pusher/scratcher/hair puller. She became that under YOUR watch. Not mine.” It’s like loaning a new car to someone and finding out they put a ding in your door. It’s not the end of the world, it’s not even worth fussing about, but all the same: your car isn’t as nice anymore.

So, being an inquisitive mother, I asked Teacher Susannah what sort of events were precipitating these outbursts from my generally remarkably laid-back daughter. Turns out, other kids were annoying her–trying to cut in line for the slide, trying to take a toy away before she was done playing with it, or THEY were hitting/pushing/hair pulling/scratching/biting her to begin with. None of the instances of Linnea’s aggression were unprovoked.

And rather than being annoyed, I started to feel stirrings of pride. I LIKE that Linnea doesn’t let herself be pushed around. I LIKE that she fights for what she sees as hers (and right now, that’s freaking everything). I LIKE that she stands up for herself and for her rights, and that when she’s playing by the rules (“Children! Wait your turn in line for the slide!”) and someone decides they are above them she gives them a wallop–they can break the rules on somebody else’s turn. And I like that when somebody attacks her, she doesn’t just sit there and take it, or tell on them. She gets right back in their face and gives it back to ’em, telling them with her actions (and probably verbally as well), “If you can’t take it, then don’t dish it out, azzhole.”

I’ve given birth to this gloriously scrappy young girl, and I couldn’t be prouder. Of course, if she exhibits her aggressive behavior at home we’ll have to say something. She can’t walk around pounding people who do her wrong all her life. It’s just not socially acceptable, and there will come a point where regardless of what started the fight, the fact that Linnea finished it physically will not be well looked-upon. I have to show her ways to channel that scrappiness into more appropriate ways to defend herself and others (granted, she hasn’t showed any interest in defending other yet, but she’s two. Give it time.). I love that it’s there. I’m not too terribly concerned about a toddler who fights back the only way she knows how. I just have to make sure that nobody takes that from her.


They say that in Kansas… January 18, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 8:06 am

…if you listen hard on a summer night, you can hear the corn grow.

Even after living in Kansas for three years, even after early summer nights out on the front porch watching the fireflies flicker in the darkness, a cold beer in my hand and M’s arm slung around my shoulders, I have never heard the corn grow.

But I swear to God: I should have been able to hear Linnea grow.

She’s always been tiny. Like in the bottom 10% for her age group. Until just recently, she was wearing clothing that was six months “younger” than she was. The other day, she was complaining that her toes hurt, so I took off her shoe and: she had blisters on her toes from where they rubbed against the end of her shoes. That should have been my first clue. We went out, bought her some new shoes. This morning, while trying to get her dressed for school, pants that fit the last time she wore them (like two weeks ago, tops) are now Urkel pants on her. Tops that were lose and tunic-y are now tight. It’s crazy. It’s her first official growth spurt–up to this point, her growth has been steady, but slow. After almost two years of “slow and steady” we’ve been totally caught off guard by the fact that God suddenly dosed her with some Miracle Grow.

Her arms and legs are long and smooth…no more sweet baby chunkiness. Her face is lengthening. She’s a little girl now. I beg your pardon: a big girl. 😉 She’s growing and learning so much!

The other day, we were sitting in the car waiting for M and she crawled into my lap in the front seat (we were waiting about a half hour). She said she wanted to “dwive”, so I scooched the seat back and let her go. Except that she grabbed the keys, chose the correct key, put it in the ignition, and promptly grabbed the windshield washer arm and threw it into what would have been drive if it had been the gear shift. Good Lord. She’s not even two. I bet by the time she’s three she’s stolen the car and gone joyriding. All she needs to do is figure out where the actual gear shift is, and that the key has to be turned in the ignition.

She’s not my baby anymore. She’s well on her way to being a grown-up, whether I’m ready for it or not. When I check on her at night before I go to bed, I marvel at how much she fills her crib now…before, she just filled maybe a quarter of it. Now it’s over half. The other half is filled with her dollbabies, monkeys, stuffed animals, various blankets and pillows that she canNOT be expected to sleep without. I rub her back and touch her head and think, “Slow down a little bit, OK? Not much. Just a little bit, for your poor mother who had no idea all this would go so fast.”


Burnt Ends January 10, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 2:31 pm

I have been told by barbeque affecienados (mainly the one I’m sleeping with) that the term “burnt ends” refers to the little pieces parts that are left over after the barbequed meat has been sliced and consumed. It’s usually absorbed a fair amount of the smoke, so if you like that sort of thing: burnt ends are the very best part of barbeque.

This entry sort of feels like burnt ends to me. Not necessarily that it will be the best, but that it will be chock-full of all the little things that have been floating through my head long after bigger things have been taken care of.

Today is M’s birthday. He’s 33. I’m making him a birthday beandip, since he doesn’t really like cake. I’m going to put a little Batman figurine on top, and candles. Right now, he’s away getting a massage–M, not Batman. This morning, after handing him his gift I said, “How much do I love you that I’m letting some other woman rub you down for an hour?” He said, “How much do you love yourself that you’re PAYING some other woman to rub me down for an hour so you won’t have to?” Which is a good point. He likes deep tissue massage–I’m not strong enough to do that for very long. So: Happy Birthday to M, and Happy Day to me–my man is getting a massage.

Part of the celebration included spending a chunk of time at Barnes&Noble this morning. Linnea and I headed for the children’s section and picked out a stack of books, then adjourned to the Cafe for iced tea and an apple juice and looked at books, practiced counting, talked about flowers, etc. so that M could wander the stacks without being impeded by two whiney women. We ended up having a great time! I wasn’t so sure–she’d been cranky for so much of the morning, I was about ready to just send M out on his birthday adventures without us. I’m glad I didn’t.

I feel like I’m coming to some sort of crossroads in my life. The winds of change are starting to blow, but I don’t know yet what direction they’re coming from or where they’ll direct me. I’m not particularly anxious about this…but a bit nervy. Just the not knowing of it all. Something needs to change on the jobfront. I love it, and I love my boss, but I’m just not bringing enough home for us to live on. We could live on it. But we’d be eating Ramen noodles and mac ‘n cheese by candlelight with the thermostat set on 55. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want Linnea to live like that. I want us to be able to DO things…afford things…I don’t need a lot in life, but I need more than what we have now. There are churches I’ve spoken with, there’s another SUPER exciting possibility that I’m waiting for word on, and the manager of our store in the Mall of America is wanting me to come work full-time for her. All of which are excellent, exciting possibilities…but no one has actually come forward and made a firm offer…it’s all just murmurings at this point. So while I feel pretty confident that at least one of the possibilities will work out, it’s the not knowing which one that makes me nervy.

I stumbled upon a new blog today, while mindlessly clicking ‘next blog’–it’s called AliThinks, and I really like how Ali thinks. She had an idea that she got from someone else about toasting the new year by putting the title and first line of the first blog entry of every month of the past year. I think I got that right. Anyhow, without further ado, here is Beege’s BlogYear in Review:

February 23, 2005: Be Gentle
So…here I am.

March 1, 2205: Did I say I was having a bad day? ‘Cuz really: I had no FREAKING idea.
After the ‘rents left, and after medicating myself with the first disc of KOTH season 3, I went outside to get the mail.

April 1, 2005: Strangely Sad
As I sit and watch the coverage of the Vatican on MSNBC, I’m struck by how sad I am that John Paul is dying.

May 7, 2005: In the paraphrased words of Ben Franklin
I don’t know how it happens.

June 1, 2005: Baby’s feeling better, Maba feels like shit
Praise be to God, who allowed some brilliant medial researcher to invent the elixer that is Omnicef!

July 1, 2005: It’s PreacherBeege, coming to you LIVE from…
…her brand fucking new computer!!!!!!!

August 3, 2005: Moving Boxes: 6 Beege: 0

September 2, 2005: Keep your fingers crossed…
…’cuz I just applied for a job

October 1, 2005: DEFINITELY much too early in the game*
I love Christmas.

November 3, 2005: Never a Dull Moment…
…so, just as I was feeling pretty good about my new job, and how happy I am to not be pastoring right now, etc. I get a phone call from churchly higher ups, wondering if I’d like my paperwork to be sent to a congregation.

December 3, 2005: If there is anything more breathtaking…
…than my daughter with snowflakes trapped on her eyelashes, I don’t know what it is.

My year in a nutshell–and I’m only 10 days late. Happy New Year, y’all!


Taking Care of me and the Girls January 4, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — beege @ 9:22 am

Yesterday I did a MAJOR splurge.

I went and bought three new bras. I was inspired in my bra shopping by an article I read in an ancient O Magazine that I found in the breakroom at work. It suggested that the vast majority of women were wearing the wrong bra-size. I was confident that I was not, because I have had professional fittings done many, many times. But the girls were looking tired. And droopy. So I found the website of the store featured in the article and they suggested that I try dropping a band size (around the ribcage) and going up a cup-size. Doing so brings me to truly porn-star proportions, but damn if the girls don’t look better than they have since before I was pregnant. The girls win, I win, and most importantly: M wins. 😉

Then I went and had my hair cut and colored. I hadn’t had it colored since freaking MAY, so it was beyond time. But it’s so expensive that I just kept putting it off and putting it off, convincing myself that my hair didn’t look THAT bad (oh, but it did.). But my parents are coming to visit at the end of this month, and while I’m so excited for their visit that I don’t know how I’ll wait ’til the end of January for it to happen, at the same time: whenever my hair needs color when Mom comes to visit, she offers to do it for me. I’ve mentioned before that Mom is of the belief that if one is going to go blonde, on may as well go as blonde as possible. Makes sense, right? If your hair is naturally a dark blonde, then platinum will look GREAT, right? Heh. So rather than having to go through all THAT again, I told M I just want to have my hair colored before they get here and then it won’t even have to come up.

And I love it! I finally had a stylist listen to what I wanted (rather than looking at the color that was already there and think, “Well, let’s take her really blonde!”) and now I have a darker blonde base (much closer to my natural color, which will hopefully cut down on the ‘white trash root factor’) with golden and honey and caramel streaks. It’s lovely. It’s good with my skin tone. It’s shiney and soft and wonderful. And I’m thinking of naming our next child “Tracy” as a token of my gratitude.

I need to be better about taking care of myself. I work an insane job (that I love); if I’m not at work I’m being mom to an insanely active toddler (whom I adore beyond all reason); if I’m not being mom I’m being a super-supportive wife to an insanely busy husband (who rocks my world in ways both small and big). But where does that leave me? I hardly have time to blog anymore, which I miss terribly. I’m not really reading anything because by the time I fall into bed at night I’m so tired I just want to sleep. I’m not really doing anything to take care of me. I need to be better about that. My friend Cyn was talking about that–how it doesn’t have to be a big splurge, but maybe just taking the time to take a bubble bath or treating oneself to a mocha, or turning off “Blue’s Clues” so that one can listen to good music (I’m extrapolating here, but you get the picture). There’s a huge amount of wisdom in that. I’m going to try and do better.

In other splurgey news: we bought some furniture for our anniversary. We’ve been needing new DVD/CD storage…our CDs are currently stored in a very nice tower. A very nice, very toddler accessible tower. And our DVDs are stored in these horrendously ugly faux bamboo cabinets that M has bolted together to form this tall, precarious tower of DVD storage fugliness. So we bought ourselves a lovely media cabinet–hard to find, as we already have a media armoir that we love, and that houses every damn piece of electronic equipment we can squeeze inside. Almost everything was part of another armoir. But we finally found a great storage cabinet, with DOORS.

And then, on our way out the door, we saw a gorgeous, standing jewlery chest. I think that most standing jewlery chests are ugly–or rather, just not a style I’d ever want to have in my house. But this chest was done in the mission style, with the same finish and hardware as our bedroom set. We wavered and debated, and finally M said, “I’m really afraid that this is one of those pieces we’ll let go, and plan to pick up later, but we won’t be able to find it again. I’ve been looking at getting you one of these for years, and this is the only one like this that I’ve seen.” Since that was pretty much my feeling about it, too, we went for it. Since he’s started making joo-ry, my collection of baubles, bangles, and beads has increased exponentially. Plus, I’m picking up some sweet deals with my employee discount. My little wooden box is no longer sufficient, and I’m starting to lose pieces because there’s just not enough room for everything to have a home. This will fix that, and I’m SO excited about it. Now I just have to find a space for the chest.